Our journey from bed-sharing to our child seeking her own space
Written by Sarah Seweryniak
Before any of us have children we have this blueprint in our minds of how we’ll parent. Ignorance is bliss before you have children. I find it comical the things I said I’d never do, I have done. One of the “I’ll never do that” parenting decisions I said I would never do was bed-share.
Even though I said I’d never bed-share that doesn’t mean I was against it for other families. I support a family’s decision to co-sleep or bedshare. There are safe ways to do this if it’s something that your family is considering or doing.
How we started bed-sharing
From the time our daughter was a newborn through her first year, she slept in her bassinet or crib in our bedroom. My husband and I intended to transition her into her bedroom once she turned one-years-old.
Our family had an opportunity to build a new house. After some thought, we decided to keep our current sleep situation until we moved into the new house. We thought that there would be too many transitions happening in a short time span and if we limited those transitions, we wouldn’t have an issue.
When we moved into our new home our daughter slept really well by herself for two weeks. Suddenly she couldn’t sleep through the night and was very upset sleeping by herself. Instinctively, I do not believe in the “cry-it-out” method. Babies and toddlers can not regulate their emotions. They do not have the understanding or ability to comfort themselves. They rely on their caregivers. Crying is their form of communication. They cry when they’re hungry, when they need to be changed or need to be comforted. When you’re sleep-deprived and feel like the walking dead at work, you’ll do anything to feel human again. My husband and I needed a decent night’s sleep. So we did what we said we’d never do – brought her into bed with us. And we were all finally getting the rest we needed to function.
The honeymoon was over
When I was pregnant with my daughter she would often wake me up in the middle of the night with some crazy kicking. Usually, those kicks were directed toward my liver. I guess some habits never change, even outside of the womb. While she slept in our bed there were many nights I’d end up getting kicked in the eye. If I ever have a detached retina – I’m going to go ahead and pin-point it to this period of my life. I’ve also taken some blows to the stomach and bladder. I got hit so hard once that I actually passed my first (and my only) bladder stone.
I was starting to get sick and tired of getting beat up. It was time to try and see if we could transition our daughter to her own bed. And you know what – I actually started seeing signs that she was showing us that she was ready as well.
They’re annoyed by you
This was a sign that didn’t hit me (no pun intended) right away. My daughter’s tossing and turning, kicking us – was a sign that she wanted space. We mistook this behavior for her not being able to sleep versus the fact that we were crowding her space.
They start having an interest in their bedroom
If you have a bedroom set up for your child or you’re getting ready to set one up, have them spend time in that space. This will help them to get comfortable. They’ll start to feel like it’s “theirs.” If you haven’t “baby proofed” anything in their room yet – now is the time to do so. Make sure anything harmful is out of reach. Make sure dressers are fixed to the wall to avoid falling. And make sure electrical outlets have covers. At various points throughout the day, we’d spend time in our daughter’s room with her. We’d play with toys and read books together. We always end the day in her room for her bedtime routine after her bath.
They start testing the waters with their bed
The big “ah-ha” moment for us was when we decided to convert her crib into a toddler bed. Our daughter could climb in and out of her bed with ease. She had a lot of fun doing this! She was finally in control of her ability to come and go, rather than having to depend on us to put her in and take her out of a crib. She enjoyed the independence and this was becoming fun for her.
Sit back and wait for their cues
In a blink of an eye, children are ready to tackle anything! Each night we did our typical routine of bathtime and reading our books. One night – out of the blue, she was starting to get sleepy. She climbed into her bed, covered herself up with her blanket and drifted away to sleep. I couldn’t believe my eyes. In true overprotective stalker parent fashion – I stayed in her room for a while. Before I left her room I put out some books and toys – in case she woke up. I even woke up in the middle of the night to check on her. She was still sleeping – soundly. That morning we woke up hearing our little girl giggling. We went into her room and saw her looking through her books – enjoying herself. She’s been sleeping in her room ever since.
There will be good and bad nights during this process
Even though our daughter has been sleeping in her room, now and again she does wake up crying. Judging by her cues, she’s had a bad dream or she’s scared from the heavy wind and thunderstorms. In these situations, we’ll bring her to bed with us. As our child’s caregivers – we are their safe place. I still remember being small and running into my parents’ room scared in the middle of the night. I felt so protected. As I grew, I’d spend less and less time in their bed, often going back into my room once a storm or fear from a bad dream passed. We plan to nurture the need for security our daughter has for as long as she needs it.
Good luck
If you’re wondering if it’s time to transition your child to their bed follow your instincts. Be open to the cue’s your child gives. No matter what stage you’re at in your journey, enjoy these sweet moments with your children.
